A Break for Girly News!

I am old enough to remember when American Girl books and dolls came out. Naturally it was the books which first drew me in, and I can remember waiting for the newest installments to come out all through elementary school. As I aged out of the series, I continued to keep an eye on the dolls. Those beautiful dolls, so expensive for a working class family, but so exciting with all their accoutrements! It's amazing how much one doll can collect (because you know you're not collecting these things yourself, don't you?).

Now with a daughter I continue to watch the American Girl dolls, but never really thought they were worth the expense...until now. Meet Rebecca Rubin, the newest American Girl!

I am excited about this doll for a number of reasons. First, as a history major and a parent the ability to introduce history in my child's toy (as opposed to "The History of Strawberry Shortcake" ) is a large draw. According to the Times, the historicity of Rebecca's story seems to be on target, which is the first question I always need answered. Second, as a developing Jewish family the ability for my daughter to find a doll she can identify with religiously (as opposed to "Christmas for Samantha" and other holiday stories) is promising. Especially living in a rural area without the Jewish flavor that might be found in a larger community, any chance to help my daughter see Judaism around her is one worth taking.

The third reason is the doll itself. Not only is it a historical, Jewish doll, but my daughter looked at the picture and said "it's me!" She also has the light brown hair with auburn highlights, which until last week fell to the middle of her back. Knowing that I was secretly planning to purchase this doll for her birthday, I had to grin when she followed that observation up with a question: "Does she come with challah?"

Why, yes, my dear, she does! I can hardly wait till Miss Rebecca Rubin goes on sale next week. A hat tip to both Chaviva and Frume Sarah, as they both have featured this new arrival on their blogs before me.

Chag Sameach Shavuot!

Getting out of my head

I had something of a revelation today. Yesterday my rabbi recommended a combined relaxation and meditation exercise before reciting the Shema at night. I didn't think much about it, but thought it would be a nice way to prepare myself mentally for rest while adding to my Jewish practice.

Today two people touched me through words and experiences, making me realize that while I was nodding along and adding the meditation and Shema to my mental "to do" list, I wasn't feeling it.

First, I was told by a dear friend that she is amazed by me for the religious search I've undertaken, and the type of faith that requires. It seemed to her that it would take a great deal of fortitude to do that, and of course she's right. In order to stay the course, I will be facing many challenges above and beyond what I've dealt with to this point. But more than that, I need to nuture what she would call my "faith," my connection with G-d and the Jewish community.

Second, tonight I paid a visit to a favorite blog of mine, Amanda's Just Call me Chaviva. Since I've been busy trying to catch my own tail lately, I haven't been able to keep up with all of the blogs that I normally find time for. I had several posts to catch up on, and one of them was a beautiful slideshow of a B'nai Mitzvah ceremony held on Masada in Israel, in which Chavi took part. The pictures were very moving, and I found myself with a lump in my throat at one point. When did I come to identify with these people in tallitot and kippot so strongly? I'm sure it's been a gradual process over the last year and some, but it just hit me all of a sudden that I was no longer feeling an outsider to this, I was viewing this through the inside lens.

It was in that moment of emotional identification and happiness for the joy on the face of Chavi that I realized I have been spending most of the last year operating from my head, not my heart. "Judaism" had become a cerebral exercise, something to conquer, a deadline to meet. I had lost that particular joy that first drew me to temple, that feeling of the awareness of Shabbat, the comfort in the sound of the prayers, the warmth of the shared Kiddush and Oneg Shabbat. I let things get in the way of my attendence at temple, and while I was still observing Shabbat by lighting candles, and saying blessings and kindling the Chanukah lights, it was still not reaching my heart.

Seeing the shared joy of the b'nei mitzvah on Masada, the austere beauty of the land of Israel, and the striking colors of the flag contrasting with earth reminded me of what I am missing. Now that I have felt the brush of that emotion again, perhaps I will be better able to find it in the future. You can be sure I'll be examining the state of my kavanah, my intent, as I go forward in my daily practice. This isn't a class exercise, it's life and connection. Just as with an electrical circuit, I have to be fully plugged in to make the connection work. Here's hoping.