On Conversion and Children

I'm sure every parent has looked down into their child's face as a sleeping infant and wanted for them the best, the least difficult, the most perfect life. I've read more than one article which was based on the premise that babies bring a spiritual reawakening into the home along with their first breath. I can't say that my spiritual reawakening was instantaneous, but there's nothing like the miracle of new life to make someone want to bless the heavens. If this new life ushers in a more devout mindset, a desire to pass this faith to the next generation, all the better. Children are remarkably open to whatever their parents tell them in their early years. Whether that sticks or not is up for questioning, but in the beginning even the Tooth Fairy is real, and G-d is in His heaven looking down on the world, tugging on His long, grey beard as He surveys His creation.

This raises a problem for a convert who is already a parent at that critical time. What do you tell your children? Do you open up their world to such bleak doubt? Once broken, is their trust and faith forever shattered, or will they simply follow the lead they are given?

While reading a children's book titled Many Ways, a book on the commonalities among the world's great religions, my school-aged daughter kept looking for symbols and rituals that were "English," ie, Christian. While I was drawn automatically to the Judaica, the Mogen David, the Shabbat candlelighting, the Torah scrolls, the kipa, she was drawn to the crosses, the baptisms, the choirs, the hot cross buns. When she said, "this is us, Mommy," I didn't have the heart to tell her, "No, that is you, dear. This over here is Mommy." How do you tear your family apart, setting yourself opposite that which you have taught your child, and putting your very self in opposition to hers?

My religion, a la Belief-O-Matic

1. Orthodox Judaism (100%)
2. Reform Judaism (96%)
3. Islam (95%)
4. Sikhism (91%)
5. Bahá'í Faith (89%)
6. Liberal Quakers (70%)
7. Orthodox Quaker (68%)
8. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (65%)
9. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (64%)
10. Jainism (59%)
11. Unitarian Universalism (57%)
12. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (54%)
13. Seventh Day Adventist (53%)
14. Jehovah's Witness (52%)
15. Eastern Orthodox (52%)
16. Roman Catholic (52%)
17. Neo-Pagan (51%)
18. Hinduism (48%)
19. Mahayana Buddhism (46%)
20. New Age (36%)
21. Theravada Buddhism (36%)
22. Secular Humanism (31%)
23. Scientology (30%)
24. New Thought (26%)
25. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (24%)
26. Taoism (22%)
27. Nontheist (21%)

I have taken this quiz on Beliefnet.com
more than once. After I had begun to question whether Jesus of Nazareth was "God Incarnate," I consistently had Judaism and Islam in my top 3-5. This makes sense, as I do believe in an all-powerful G-d.

Shema Yisrael, Adonai Eloheinu, Adonai Echad.

I know I'm not a Muslim because I fail the easy test: I don't believe in Muhammad as the Prophet. He may have been a discerning man who had visions, he may have been a very devout follower of G-d, but I don't believe he's the end-all, be-all in a religious sense, and while I do find common ground with many Islamic beliefs, I also take exception to some as well.

One of the funniest things I've found while taking this quiz was the legal disclaimer at the start:

Warning: Belief-O-Matic™ assumes no legal liability for the ultimate fate of your soul.

How great is that? :D

Going Kosher...slowly

As with everything else in my gradually Jewish life, going kosher is neither easy nor quick. Being raised "Southern country," ham, pork, and bacon are staples of the kitchen. Red-eye country ham, crispy fried bacon, sausage, battered pork chops...not to mention the things that are made with lard, or the meat meals that are covered in melted cheese or white sauce.

I have to admit I do enjoy seafood and ham. A cheeseburger with lettuce, tomato, and mayonnaise can really hit the spot. And of course there's my Christian husband who would throw a fit if I asked him to stop having bacon or sausage for breakfast on the weekends.

However, I can say happily that I've found many things that are kosher. In fact, today I rejoiced that my 3Muskateers bar was certified KOSHER! I nearly did a happy dance on finding that little symbol on the wrapper. :) Of course, kosher for Pesach is an entirely different animal, and I'm sure I won't be able to meet that standard this year. I will try if I can locate any kosher for Pesach items, but in a majority Christian area, and a small backwoods area at that, I doubt I'll find much available, and almost certainly not 8 days worth. ~sigh~

I am going to try to start planning kosher meals, without mentioning it to my husband, and see what comes of it. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to get to him through his stomach, since I can't get to him through his mind. ;)

More time equals more blog reading!

This blog is a bit of a departure from my normal religious meanderings, but I'm not in the mood to try to unravel more threads today. Thus I'm going to blog a little boring piece about Jblogs (ie, Jewish blogs).

My darling dear is currently away for training, which leaves me with more time to myself after the children are put to bed, or while they're playing peacefully. Although I miss him dreadfully, I put this time to good use (*snicker*) by catching up on my reading. There are quite a few JBC blogs I enjoy, as well as some JBB blogs. The more I read, the more I find linked together...and I'm simply amazed! Is the blogging world so small, that everyone is inter-connected? Or perhaps it's the J-blogosphere that is small...although we should all realize by now that it's truly a small world, after all. :D

Right now I'm enjoying starting one by one, and reading from the farthest archive forward. It's almost like reading a novel, albeit a Faulknerian novel with many turns for stream-of-consciousness.

Searching for "right," asking questions, and being hard-headed

Mark Fish is a recent convert to Judaism.“I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian home,” explains Fish. “You were not allowed to challenge the Bible. Asking questions was not encouraged. Answers were given to you as fact. And this was a major problem for me.”Fish, who participated with a “Jews for Jesus” evangelical group, was introduced to Judaism through efforts in converting Jews to Christianity.

This is an excerpt from an article in the Gay and Lesbian Times which I found by reading a J-blogger, Tamara Eden . (Yes, indeed, I have too much time on my hands!) Although I haven't participated in a "Jews for Jesus" evangelism campaign, his description of his family is almost exactly what I could say about my own. Challenging what the minister said, or more importantly what my father said, was strictly out of the question. Being a hard-headed and strong-willed child (and adult), this is something that I just can't abide...I have to question. I also have to have answers, somehow. When I first sat down with my rabbi one-on-one, he asked that I share a bit about my background. On learning that I had a grounding in the Christian church, he of course questioned what could be fueling my seeking within the walls of his shul. He asked "what do you want out of this?" With tears in my eyes, I said, "To know. Just to know what's right."

So I continue to search for that. As my rabbi pointed out, we can never really know. He feels that Judaism helps us to deal with the "not knowing," and perhaps that will be enough for me. Until I reach that point, I continue to search, continue to seek, and continue to hope that I will find my way.

Questions for a potential convert

These are some questions I found on a JBC's Jblog: tikkunger.com . I felt that they were important for me to be able to answer, and so I am posting the questions along with my personal thoughts. As I continue learning and deciding what I believe, I'm sure my answers will evolve. I may decide to revisit them in the future, just to compare.

As a potential convert are you prepared to raise any future children in a Jewish home?
I would like to, but already having children and a husband who is completely against raising them in that environment, I'm afraid that's not possible.

Are you prepared to marry a Jewish spouse, and if not have the spouse convert and live life Jewishly?
If my spouse were to choose to convert, I would be more than pleased. I can't in good conscience ask him to go against his own beliefs, though.

Are you ready to put the Jewish traditions and cultures ahead of those from your own upbringing?
I would have to, wouldn't I? As a religious Jewish convert, I would be rejecting the majority if not all of my family's traditions. I was raised in a very religious household, so our traditions were/are often religious in nature. So yes, I would be willing to put Jewish tradition and culture ahead of my own.

Are you prepared to deal with what that means in terms of your family and friends?
Having already faced a little of what that would mean, yes I can say that I am. It's at times painful, but if I feel strongly enough about it, it would be well worth it.

What about Israel, do you understand the significance of Israel and are you ready to support it?
I have to be honest that in spite of all that I've read regarding Israel, I don't think it's possible for me to truly understand the significance of Israel as a homeland. I do understand the significance it can hold as a reassurance to Jews in the Diaspora that they will always have someplace that will accept them, should the worst happen as it did over 50 years ago. I understand the significance to those Orthodox Jews who believe that Zionism was a mistaken attempt by man to force G-d's hand toward the Messianic era. I understand the significance to Muslims and Arabs the world over who see it as an affront to the umma. I understand the significance to fundamentalist Christians who believe Israel must exist in order for the End Times to occur. Israel holds so much significance for so many, it's impossible to completely understand or cover the bases.

When you run into situations that are uncomfortable from a Jewish perspective are you going to hide being Jewish or are you willing to assert yourself respectfully but in a way that defends the tribe?
Anyone who knows me knows I don't back down from confrontation if I feel strongly about something...although I will want to present a respectful opinion, I will certainly speak up if I feel the situation deserves it.

A Yearn to Learn

The more I read the blogs of others converting to Judaism, those who have converted, or Jews by birth...

the more I read books on Jewish heritage, Jewish history, Jewish thought, and Jewish practice...

the more I am around others who were born Jewish and raised Jewish and who live Jewishly...

the more I yearn to learn. I realize just how much I don't know, how much I need to learn, how much there is to do: rituals, brachot, keeping kashrut, preparing for Pesach, and so much more!

I feel as though I have a lifetime to fit into a blink of an eye...which, in a sense, I do. I was not raised in an observant Jewish family, so I must learn everything that a child does, and work my way up an an adult's knowledge. However, I still have a lifetime in which to fit this gathering of knowledge. Remind me of this: there is time. Time is of the essence, but there is time.