Some joys, some oys...

I suppose I'll start with the joys...might as well have a smile to begin, right?

Today we were in town going to the library when my daughter asked, "Mommy, where is the synagogue?" I pointed it out to her as we drove past, and she added, "I liked going there, when can we go again?" I'm sure I was grinning from ear to ear until we reached our next destination in our errands. How great is it when your child wants to take part in something that's important to you?

Another joy, I watched the film Crossing Delancey this afternoon. During the bris the officiating rabbi/mohel recites blessings, and it was music to my ears to hear Baruch ata Adonai... I love that this is becoming "home" to me, that it's so natural to hear a blessing that I can nearly join in for the entirety.

On to the "oys"...the downside of my daughter wanting to go with me to services is that my husband has laid down the law that he will not allow "his" children to be raised Jewishly. He is adamant that he does not want me to take the kids with me to services or to allow them to engage in rituals with me at home. I also have bowed to his wishes in choosing not to continue attending services for the time being, which is very difficult for me in some ways. I miss the prayers, I miss the rituals, I miss the community I was calling my own. My marriage is also a 'covenant,' however, since I entered into it as a Christian under the auspices of the Presbyterian Church. I love my husband dearly, and I don't believe that G-d intends for this marriage to be broken. With that thought in mind, I am doing my best to maintain shalom bayit, even though it means compromising on something important to me.

The other oy from the film, to match the joy, was the thought occurring to me at the end when Sam says he recited a bracha before going to Bubbe's apartment: sigh "I wish I had a Jewish husband..."

I'm not entirely certain why my life has taken this turn, but I hope there's some purpose, or at least a positive outcome, to all this emotional Laffy-taffy I'm feeling subjected to!

With all those thoughts out of the way, I'm looking forward to Shabbat this week! I wish everyone Shabbat Shalom. :)