Jews, History, and Me

You sometimes hear about women pitting their education and career choices against their home and family choices. There's a fear of being "Mommy-tracked" instead of "fast tracked." Then on the other hand, there are those who choose "sequencing"...meaning rather than having it all, they choose to have it one at a time, or take a break while the children are little. I am one of those mothers, in a way.

I got married and had children soon after high school, since I had no idea what I would do with my life or what to study if I were to go on to college. Although I might have been able to receive scholarships, and certainly student loans, I couldn't see saddling myself with debt without purpose.

After having a child, I decided that I would begin my college career and become a teacher. It seemed like a sensible choice, since teachers are always in demand, and since I had always done childcare. I am at the point now that I'm completely unsure if I want to teach, or whether I'm in fact able to teach. Teaching is a profession which requires patience and "sticktoitiveness" which I often lack, and I would not want to bear the burden of having sucked some student's interest in learning dry because I was a horrible teacher.

However, because I'm halfway through working toward my bachelor's degree on a part-time basis (nearly 5 years now, with one year sabbatical after having a second child), I feel I should try to persevere. After all, I may well change my mind after doing observation and practicum (or it may simply solidify my belief that I can't hack it), but I'll never know till I try.

To this end, I am a history student at present. Before beginning my long journey into Judaism, I didn't notice Jews in history very much beyond the Holocaust. Jews just didn't seem to be that prevalent outside ghettos, the Black Death, pogroms, and Nazism. Now that I'm in history classes again (and I will be for some time to come: I'm majoring in history with a minor in education), I notice so much more when Judaism is mentioned...and when it is conspicuously absent. Not only that, but when Jews are mentioned, I feel my internal ears perking up...what? Me? Us? This is truly becoming my people, my history. This makes it that much harder to hear about the pogroms, the blood libels, the ghettos, the Holocaust...but at the same time, I feel more strongly than ever "Never Again!" I'm also that much prouder of Jewish history, and look forward to learning more all the time. I may even make the focus of my senior thesis something related to Jewish History. I'm looking forward to that as well!