My, My, My...

Yes, I'm from the South, as you may have gathered from my title. I do say things such as "my goodness!" and "weyll" (speakers of proper English may know that word by its proper spelling, "well." But when gusting it out as a tired exclamation, there's another syllable added). This is all appropos of nothing, but now you know.

So much has been going on in my life since I last blogged, I don't know where to begin. Without a reliable babysitter my evening service attendance has become non-existent. I'm very sad and frustrated about that, especially since it's been a year since I began attending services. It just seemed appropriate to attend on the same chag on which I started: Simchat Torah. As always, life seems to get in the way when you don't make special arrangements for priorities.

My husband has been gone two and a half of the nearly 18 months he'll be serving. My mother has taken a turn for the worse and will be moved to a nursing home as soon as her mental state is stabilized in the hospital. The dementia which has been slowly affecting her over the past several years has advanced to the stage where she doesn't recognize me or my children, and she's become very volatile and agitated. This move is probably the best thing for the entire family, as she'll be able to receive better care in a professional setting, and my father and younger brother will be able to lead semi-normal lives once again. The strain of the situation on my father is difficult to express, but I'm glad he's able to find peace in his decision.

I continue in my studies, both in school and shul. We are taking a break from our Intro to Judaism class after the High Holy Days, but I was able to meet up with a friend from class to discuss the Torah portion Noach, as well as the election, which at the time was days away. As for that, I can only say I'm glad the campaign is over; now may the work begin!

Preparations are underway for Thanksgiving and soon the winter holiday season will be upon us. I am having trouble pulling myself out of the tired funk I've fallen into. I spend too much time up late at night trying to play catch-up on all the things I probably should have had time for earlier in the day...but yet they remain unfinished. It doesn't help that a mother's work is never done--there's a constant round of laundry, especially since flu season hit us early and hard this year. My poor son has had to deal with several bouts of stomach ailments in the past couple weeks. Good thing the little guy is tough as nails. If only I were!

This has been a bit of a stream-of-consciousness post, but I just don't have a strong topic to write on right now. Must be the exhaustion you only get staying up all night rubbing backs and smoothing hair off fevered foreheads. I hope everyone else is healthy and well...time to enjoy the last few days of fall before the cold weather really hits!

Jews, History, and Me

You sometimes hear about women pitting their education and career choices against their home and family choices. There's a fear of being "Mommy-tracked" instead of "fast tracked." Then on the other hand, there are those who choose "sequencing"...meaning rather than having it all, they choose to have it one at a time, or take a break while the children are little. I am one of those mothers, in a way.

I got married and had children soon after high school, since I had no idea what I would do with my life or what to study if I were to go on to college. Although I might have been able to receive scholarships, and certainly student loans, I couldn't see saddling myself with debt without purpose.

After having a child, I decided that I would begin my college career and become a teacher. It seemed like a sensible choice, since teachers are always in demand, and since I had always done childcare. I am at the point now that I'm completely unsure if I want to teach, or whether I'm in fact able to teach. Teaching is a profession which requires patience and "sticktoitiveness" which I often lack, and I would not want to bear the burden of having sucked some student's interest in learning dry because I was a horrible teacher.

However, because I'm halfway through working toward my bachelor's degree on a part-time basis (nearly 5 years now, with one year sabbatical after having a second child), I feel I should try to persevere. After all, I may well change my mind after doing observation and practicum (or it may simply solidify my belief that I can't hack it), but I'll never know till I try.

To this end, I am a history student at present. Before beginning my long journey into Judaism, I didn't notice Jews in history very much beyond the Holocaust. Jews just didn't seem to be that prevalent outside ghettos, the Black Death, pogroms, and Nazism. Now that I'm in history classes again (and I will be for some time to come: I'm majoring in history with a minor in education), I notice so much more when Judaism is mentioned...and when it is conspicuously absent. Not only that, but when Jews are mentioned, I feel my internal ears perking up...what? Me? Us? This is truly becoming my people, my history. This makes it that much harder to hear about the pogroms, the blood libels, the ghettos, the Holocaust...but at the same time, I feel more strongly than ever "Never Again!" I'm also that much prouder of Jewish history, and look forward to learning more all the time. I may even make the focus of my senior thesis something related to Jewish History. I'm looking forward to that as well!